How I Met My Husband
by Uzamaki Sasuke
Summary: Sasuke was a successful business man who married Naruto despite all warnings. He was completely and totally in love... and then Naruto's varying stories about how they met became all the rage at social gatherings, very much to Sasuke's dismay. NARUSASU RATED T FOR LANGUAGE


**A/n:** Hey! This is another one based on something I posted to my Tumblr. Unlike all the others, which got over 100 notes usually, this one died around 7. I decided to do the idea some justice. Hope you like it!

* * *

Sasuke had made the right decision, he was sure of it.

Many people had told him he hadn't, that he'd regret what he's about to do for the rest of his life. People were so often right when they told him these things, but this was the first time in his life that he knew literally everyone but him was wrong.

"Ready to be Sasuke Uzumaki?" Naruto quipped.

Yes. He was. Naruto was absolutely perfect. His blue eyes shone brightly, his blond hair begged for his fingers to rifle through it, his tan skin had always looked so wonderful against his own… yeah, and his personality was cool, too, he guessed. But his soon-to-be husband was definitely a walking wet dream. He was a lucky man.

"Might wanna save that 'till the honeymoon." Naruto glanced at Sasuke's lower half before winking.

They were talking in the middle of whatever the guy was saying. They didn't care – they wanted this. They really, really did. Naruto flashed another wide grin at him.

Sasuke was sure he'd never regret this.

* * *

News of the marriage spread around like wildfire. Many people were surprised they had gone through with it at all. Being a man of high status, Sasuke's wedding was something newsworthy. He stood be=y the decision to marry the man every step of the way.

Of course, people were curious about this development. They had never heard of nor seen this Naruto Uzumaki man, who the youngest Uchiha now shared a name with. They wanted some juice, some gossip, to know how this had come about.

A woman approached them at a party. Sasuke eyed her suspiciously. He wasn't vey fond of the attention they had been getting – most negative – but he decided to give the lady a chance to speak.

"You two are so adorable!" The woman squealed. "How did you two meet?"

People had told him marrying Naruto was a stupid decision.

"Oh, you know, you don't really want to hear it – it's completely cliché, boy meets boy type deal."

Sasuke had never once regretted the decision.

"But," Naruto gestured toward the lady with his wine glass slightly, "if you really wanna bore yourself with the stereotypical young adults' romance novel storyline, I won't stop you."

Until now.

"We met at my friend's, friend's, cousin's, friend's baby shower." Naruto pointed to Sasuke. "He showed up unannounced. No one knew who he was – not me, not my friends, and certainly not my friend's, friend's, cousin's, friend. He asked if he could be the baby. They declined. I jerked him off in front of everyone, though – just to cheer him up."

Sasuke's eyes were focused right on the man he really thought it was smart to marry, filled with a fiery, intense, murderous rage. Naruto was unphased.

"O-oh…" The lady quickly turned to leave.

"What… was that?" Sasuke tried to level his voice.

"The true story of how we met, right?" Naruto smiled at him.

"You do realize where we are, right?" Sasuke asked, "This is an event for business owners to get together, Naruto. You can't say things like that here."

"But she _asked_." Naruto rolled his eyes and chugged the rest of his wine.

Yeah, that's what people were talking about. Naruto wasn't on the same level of class as Sasuke was. Might not have been the smartest decision, since he was now the owner of his late father's company.

Dear God, what had he done.

* * *

Sasuke attempted to keep Naruto on a short leash when they attended a social gathering of any kind. Naruto would never stay home. Sasuke could chain the man to the bed and he'd be out in 20 minutes if he caught wind that there would be food and/or alcohol. Which there usually was.

So, Sasuke was out of options. He was backed into a corner, even, as he tried to deflect questions about their relationship as they were asked.

"How did you two meet? Were you high school sweethearts?"

Sasuke had walked away for 5 damned minutes to use the restroom. He unfortunately couldn't bring Naruto with him, since that usually ended pretty sexual.

"Oh, yeah." Naruto grinned, as if overtaken by nostalgia, "He was a stripper at my 16th birthday party. I did a line of coke off of him. It was pretty sweet." Naruto chuckled fondly at the 'memory', "The part where he blew me in the bathroom, though? That's what made it clear it was romantic."

Sasuke had never walked so quickly within a socially acceptable form of walking in his life. He was going to murder that man.

"Actually, that's not – "

"Sounds romantic." The man winked and left.

Sasuke couldn't believe it. Just like that? They were just going to let his husband talk like that? What?

"You look like you're about to have a cornea, Sas."

"Coronary." Sasuke spit out.

"Nope," Naruto shook his head, "coronary's a part of the eye. It's cornea."

Sasuke couldn't even find it in himself to correct the man. It wouldn't matter. He'd be dead by sunrise the following morning.

* * *

"How did you meet? You're both quite different from each other, so I'm curious as to why you guys decided to hook up."

Sasuke didn't even attempt to stop it at this point. No one seemed to be getting heavily upset, so he decided that it might not be _too_ terribly bad to let it slide.

"Oh, let me tell you," Naruto took a swig of his drink, "I was pulling him over on the highway for a speeding ticket and he insisted that I sleep with him."

Sasuke found this one interesting – he _was_ a police officer.

"So, I acted accordingly and, as per my civic duty, I slept with him."

Naruto got a wild look in his eyes. Sasuke was really hoping he'd leave this story where it was.

"The _kicker_ was that he had this insanely large parrot that kept telling me that there was meth in the trunk. I couldn't get it to shut up!"

Naruto looked at his drink in thought.

"On a completely _unrelated_ note, though – I have somehow developed a kink for people telling me there's meth in the trunk. Parrots are preferred, obviously, which has no correlation with that instance."

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto had arrived a little later than usual to the party so-and-so CEO was holding. Sasuke took notice that people seemed… excited, to see them? They were approached fairly quickly. People kept walking up, too.

"How did you guys meet again?" A man asked.

Oh, dear god.

Naruto grinned widely.

"Well, okay, I'll tell you. I went into this forest to dump my latest victim's body and there he was, dark hair, pale skin, rosy lips, dumping a body of his own. At the same spot. So, of course, we get into this fight of 'who got here first', right? Well, we decide to call it even and dump our victims' bodies in the same spot."

Sasuke could not believe it.

"The unfortunate part was that they were both somehow still alive and didn't mention that when we went to bone town next to them. Would've been polite to warn us, but hey," Naruto shrugged, "you know how victims of attempted homicide get, am I right?

These people… _wanted_ to hear this shit?

What had the world come to.

* * *

"I forgot whether or not you two indulged me with this information," Sasuke was 99.999% sure they – at least Naruto – had, "but how did you two meet?"

Sasuke found that he wasn't as upset when Naruto did it now.

"I was a hit man hired to take him down. He happened to be a private investigator, hired to shadow me. He knew of my plan and let me think he was clueless until I tried to kill him and, as it _turns_ out," Naruto looked at Sasuke, "he is really good at stopping people from killing him."

Naruto looked at the man again, "Namely offering his body to me whilst whispering all of the unthinkable – and some that were illegal in several states and territories – acts I was permitted to do to him, and I had to decide whether or not to finish my job."

"And, well, you know how it is," Naruto draped an arm across Sasuke's shoulders, "when you fall in love with the person you're trying to kill – you choose a blow job over your real job."

There were many laughs had that night. Naruto was an endless source of entertainment. As Naruto told these whacky stories, Sasuke filled with pride, love, and a slight worry about how on Earth he was coming up with these. His imagination sure made things in the bedroom interesting, so Sasuke didn't have room to complain. He'd never let Naruto he enjoyed this, though.

"Hey."

Sasuke jumped in surprise at the person by his side.

"How did you two really meet? I'm curious."

Sasuke watched Naruto and sighed.

"I haven't the slightest clue."

"He has you confused?" They joked.

"No, I've known him my whole life. I just have no idea when I fell in love."


End file.
